reflecting on my own battles with depression and the like and my own experiences, especially in the wake of the suicide of one of my heroes, and honestly for me, i can’t ever remember a time when i was suicidal in the way we usually talk about it. like, i’ve never thought “i want to die, i want to kill myself.” but i can think of so many times where i thought about how much easier it would be to just never have existed, or to just cease existing. and idk if that means i’m suicidal??? like, i’ve never wanted to die, per se, but i have wished i could just cease existing altogether. does that make any sense?

idk. idk. trying to figure out my own feelings is weird. self-reflection is weird and hard and i hate it but i feel like it’s important to deal with my own shit.